We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize