my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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