Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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