It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
