Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
