another moral hangover. fuck.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
