thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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