i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
