i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
