That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
