I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
