i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
