I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
