nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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