goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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