I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
