I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
