Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
