Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize