do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
