great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
