Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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