I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
