Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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