We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
