dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
