well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
