Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
