we have pet lesbian snakes
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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