i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
