haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
