I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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