yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
