don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
