no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
