Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize