Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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