he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
