Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
