So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
