I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
