Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
