OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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