i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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