I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
