You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
