so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
