i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize