I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
