She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
