If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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