I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My penis needs a shock collar
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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