what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
