I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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