I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
