jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
