Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
