I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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