also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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