I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
