i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize