my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
