Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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