Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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