My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
