glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
