were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
