those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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