you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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