No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
