I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
