I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
