Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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