Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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