You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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