I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
